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Kicked In The Junk

A "share" blog for fellow poker bloggers who've been kicked in the junk one too many times.
Bad beat via a two outer on the river? Boss giving you shit?
Click the Admin link below and get to writing.

Login: kickedinthejunk Password: groinpains

Just a bad run

Sunday, January 08, 2006
I don't have a blog but have been a reader of them for a little while, thought that this might be a way for me to give it a try. I have been running extremely bad here of late losing hands that I am a 70-30 favorite on or better with stunning regularity both online and live. It is to the point that I almost fear being a favorite in a hand, which really sucks because usually when I put money in I am. Here are some examples of late. Today in a club tourney third hand I am UTG with wired red queens, blinds are 50-100, I raise to 500 everyone folds to the button who re-raises to 1000. We start with 2000 in chips, I re-raise all in for a total of 2000 he calls, I think shit did I run into aces or kings? I flip over and say I have queens, he turns over QJos. I am stunned, I am thinking to myself what in the hell was he thinking, I am happy to see this for now I am at least 75% to win I look it up later I am 90% to win which just makes it worse. He flops an open ended straight draw that gets there on there turn, I need a jack on the river to give me a split, it does not come. Couple weeks ago I had Jacks cracked exactly like this JJ against J-9 offsuit, the guy calls my all-in for 3/4 of his stack and hits the straight. Earlier in the day in another tourney I had AKs in hearts UTG, I raise the guy next to me goes all-in it is only 550 more for me to call and I have 3 times that in chips left so I call. He turns over Q-5 of hearts. I am better than 60-40 here turns out that I am actually 70-30 to win. He hits a queen on the turn and I do not improve. Not the worst beat in the world but it just sucks to watch people win with crap while you play smart and wait for your opportunities and then get hammered when you are a big favorite to win. I have many more such stories to tell but I think that this will do for now. Thanks for listening.


Birthday Bash(ing)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005
So for my birthday, I decided to take the day off and make the rounds of local WA cardrooms, hitting up as many of the daily NL tourneys as I could stand. Talk about getting Birthday Beatdown...

First one at 10:00am: It was too early to think clearly, and I made a bad call when I raised EP with KQ, flopped a K and led out. Got raised and I went over the top... he had AK. Sat tight on my leftover chips and finally pushed UTG with Pocket Tens. Got two callers, so I figured I was in trouble, especially when the flop showed the King and Jack of spades. Another guy pushed and the button called. First guy had A9c and was just trying to make a play (he was pretty much short-stacked as well); and the Button had QT of spades so had a pretty powerful draw.

Well, at least I thought I was already beat, so it would have been a nice surprise if the Tens actually held up. Alas, no birthday surprise for me as a Q hit the River.

Second one at Noon: Second orbit - get AQ in the BB. Raised by MP and I call. Flop is QQx. I check, he pushes... not a tough decision on whether I should call or not. He has KK, as I somewhat expected. King on the River gives him the boat and I'm out on the first real hand I play.

Here's where I take a little break and play a live 3/6 game and proceed to make most of my buy-in money back. At least I'm getting a little bit of lovin' on my birthday!

Third one at 3:00pm: I don't get anything decent in the first round, but at least I'm still alive. Everytime I decide to make some sort of play, raising to steal the blinds, or limping in on the button to try and take down an orphan pot; I get re-raised or bet into so I have to abandon ship. The blinds keep going up and I've got to make a move soon or won't have enough chips to really push anyone off.

King-Duece suited, what the hell, all in for about 4x the BB. Get called by KJ and the flop comes K2x. Wow, something going my way! I get K2 again the very next hand, but now that I have chips I can fold it with no remorse. I sit tight for another few orbits and the blinds have doubled again, so I'm back in the same position as before... need to make a push while I have enough to actually push people out. K6 suited, all in for 4x the BB. Get called by the same person who called my K2 and he's got me dominated again with KT! A 6 on the flop puts me in the lead, a T on the turn takes it away, and a 6 on the River lets me double up again.

I call two short-stack all-ins with A2 of clubs and River the flush. "Must be your lucky day!" someone tells me. "It's my birthday and I haven't had much luck yet, so I've been due."

So now I'm practically the chip leader at my table (30 people left). I throw away everything, until I see Pocket Kings. There's an all-in UTG that's about 3/4 my stack, so I go all-in over the top to isolate. He shows AQ. Board comes 89TJ... no Q to give me a higher straight and I'm crippled. It's always, ALWAYS those fucking Cowboys that kill me.

I've got no choice now but to go all-in with my A8s in the BB. Get one caller who's got K9. The board is all low cards, and the only paint we see is the King on the River. Always those fucking Cowboys.

Well, that was about all the Birthday Bad Beats I could stand, so I gave up the last two stops on my tour and enjoyed with rest of my birthday with my kids, and then with a few hundred of my closest friends online.

Omaha 8b ass-kicker

Monday, September 12, 2005
I wouldn't have believed this one had I not seen it with my own two eyes. Tell me what you would have done.

I'm playing Omaha 8b and look down to see A-2-Q-J with spades suited. The first round of betting is of course capped and the flop comes 3 spades, 4 spades, 10 clubs. Cool, I have the nut flush draw, the nut low draw and the nut straight draw. Capped again with 4 people to the turn.
Turn is K spades. Woot! I made the nut flush and I still have the nut low draw. Obviously, capped again, but I'm a tad dismayed at the fact that all 4 are still in. River 5 spades. Sweet, I just made the nut low and a straight freaking flush. I surely have 3/4 of this pot, right? Again, it is capped. What can these guys have? Any ideas?

First guy shows A-2. Ties for low.
2nd guy shows A-2. Ties for low.
I show A-2 and A-5 straight flush.
Last guy turns over A-2-6-7 and the 6 and 7 are spades. He wins high half and 1/4 of low. The rest of us get 1/4 of low each. I'm positive I lost money on this deal and I can't figure out how the hell I could have gotten away from it.

I said NH and logged off. Kicked in the junk again. I am in the process of coming up with something of sacrifice to the poker gods in an attempt to get back in good graces.

One outer

Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Alright, J, I had to share a little story of the one-outer on the river that just about drove me from the game.

Full Tilt Poker, probably 6 months ago.

I had been running bad for a couple of weeks and that day wasn't going much better. I was playing at a .10/.25 NL ring game and finally starting to make progress. I had run my bankroll up to around $35.00 when this happened.

I'm on the button and pick up 7-7. Three limpers and the guy before me makes it $5.00 to go. I call and two of the limpers call as well. Flop is 7-7-A and I fall out of my chair and spill beer everywhere. It checks all the way to me and I check as well, might as well trap right? Turn is a harmless 4 and one of the guys in EP leads out $1.00. The guy ahead of me raises to $10.00 and I see no need to wait any longer. I push the remaining 30 something bucks I have all-in.

Folds back around to the raiser and he insta-calls. Woo-Hoo, uh-oh. He turns over A-A for the flopped full house and what are my odds? A million to one to win? Oh no, not on this day. of course the case A hits the river and delivers a swift kick right into my nuts.

I have no problem with the way the hand was played by either of us, it was just bad luck and a recipe for going broke. Oh well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.



Friday, July 22, 2005
Two stories:

Yesterday I was on the way back from lunch with 4 fellow employees when the following conversation about poker came up. As set up, there were 4 young guys in the car (including myself) and 1 older woman. And to my local buddies who read this blog...no I did not start the conversation...

Woman: "I thought you had a poker game at your house every night. 24/7."
Poker Buddy: "Noooo...24/7...you must be thinking about the size of my junk."
Woman: "No that would be 24 divided 7."
Me & Other Two Guys: [Laughing Asses Of]
Me: "She just called you out on the size of your junk dude."

And then it happened. This is the "I shit you not" portion of the story. Not even 5 seconds after the above exchange, the following truck passed directly in front of us turning into a business complex...

Obviously I don't mean this exact truck and the Business Junkees on top, but it was a similar truck with the huge 1-800-GOT JUNK? on the side. In that moment, I was speechless. Inside, I was losing it, but I knew only my poker buddy - and you dear poker bloggers - would truly get how funny it is. I finally said, "check out that junk truck", but it was all lost in the laughter of the situation. For me, however, I knew it would make for an excellent post on Kicked In The Junk.


I made lunch for myself today instead of going out to eat. I've been trying to eat better and spend less money so it was the right thing to do. At the building I work in, there's a lobby where a few drink machines and tables are set up so you can eat and look out a huge window overlooking the parking lot and park. No one ever really sits there and the machines barely get any use because the lobby is kind of out of the way for most people. For the most part, every suite has its own drink & food machines so this one is kind of pointless. However, those tables are where I eat whenever I make my lunch and want to get away from the office. Typically I will have something to read - often printouts of my fellow bloggers posts - and today was no exception. Some capital writing out there by you guys. But that's not what this story is about.

As I was finishing up lunch I felt a rumble in the bronx (stomach felt a bit odd) and I suddenly knew some gas wanted to get the hell out of me ultra quick. I knew I was no where near a bathroom, but felt I was in a pretty safe place to drop a bomb and flee the scene of the crime. I looked to my left and right...I checked in front of me and - most importantly - behind me. All was clear so I let the air down there run its course. And though I tried to avoid any "noise", my body clearly didn't get the memo cause out came a monstrous "bbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrr." Still, I figured, nobody will ever know. And as that nobody will ever know statement hit my brain, fear struck my entire being. I had forgotten to look up. The tables were on the 2nd floor and there was a 3rd floor balcony over looking them. As I began to look up I was hoping beyond hope that no one was there, but I was also resigning myself to the fact that - because it's me we're talking about here - someone would obviously be standing right there. But I was wrong. Unfortunately for me, I was wrong because there were TWO people leaning against the balcony looking down right at me. Two women...one probably my age and the other probably in her 60's. I shook my head - accepting full responsibility for my actions - then stood up and walked out. As I write this now I am laughing, but in that moment, I was waiting for someone to come around the corner and kick me in the junk for being such a dumbass. And for the record, it wreaked something fierce.

Such an idiot.


A Left-Nut Demolisher

Thursday, July 14, 2005
Someday I'll be the one who does the junk kicking.

Just once I'd like to deliver a crushing knee to the groin of the driver
who parks his F-450 across 3 parking spaces so nobody can touch his

I'd appreciate a small window of opportunity in which I could dish out
as many steel toes to the groin that I could muster, of oblivious shoppers
who block paths, bring 40 items thru the 12 or less lane, and refuse to
realize they don't own the store.

And maybe someday I could be granted the only pass available to kick
Bush any time he mispronounces a word. Of course, I'd have to get a team
of junk kickers to handle the load, but I know I'd be up for the challenge.

A guy can wish.

Maybe for now though, I'd just take a world where I don't get kicked in the
junk. If I can't dole out any nut thrashings, then why does Jebus allow me
to consistently take them.

Take today for instance. I was having a good day at work. I accomplished
more than I had hoped I would by the time lunch was arriving. I was primed
for the second part of the day, and even more excited when one of my favorite
chinese restaurants opened back up. (Waiting on a cat shipment, maybe?)

So I sat down to eat the general's chicken with white rice. I had my Mountain
Dew, my USA Today, and Jim Rome was on the radio.

Things were good.

Until, that is, I got delivered the most brutal kick to the junk that I've received
in quite some time.

It came in the form of a reminder. The worst possible way to be reminded about
what I had forgotten.

In the battle between soft food and what should be rock hard teeth, the chicken
won. My girlyman tooth cracked. And it just so happens it's the tooth I recently
had a root canal on. Which reminded me...

Hey Bob! Weren't you supposed to get a crown put on that tooth?


Oh yeah! How's that insurance you forgot to enroll in?

~ Bobby Bracelet

A Swift Jab To The Groinal Area

Thursday, May 26, 2005
Party Poker No-Limit Hold'em, $100 NL, $1 BB (10 handed) converter

Button ($152.75)
SB ($155.35)
BB ($105.75)
UTG ($102.55)
UTG+1 ($359.24)
UTG+2 ($87.8)
MP1 ($102)
MP2 ($60.45)
Hero ($94.21)
CO ($36.2)

Preflop: Hero is MP3 with 9c, Tc. SB posts a blind of $0.5.
4 folds, MP2 calls $1, Hero calls $1, 2 folds, SB (poster) raises to $4.5, BB calls $4, MP2 folds, Hero calls $4.

Flop: ($16) 8c, 4c, 3c (3 players)
SB checks, BB bets $9, Hero raises to $25, SB folds, BB calls $91.75 (All-In), Hero calls $64.21 (All-In).

Turn: ($205.96) Qd (2 players, 2 all-in)

River: ($205.96) 8d (2 players, 2 all-in)

Final Pot: $205.96

Villain shows QQ.
Villain wins $205.96 with a runner-runner full house.